Wholehearted Love — Guarding Against Subtle Infidelity

Is your greatest affection reserved for your spouse, or has it drifted elsewhere?

Our Culture Normalizes Distraction.

  • Couples sit across the table, scrolling separate screens.

  • Some spend hours watching sports, shopping, or binge-watching shows, while their marriage withers from lack of attention.

  • Friends or coworkers become confidants while spouses drift into the background.

This isn’t physical adultery. But it is unfaithfulness of the heart — giving our best time, energy, and joy to something or someone other than our covenant partner.

Wholehearted Love in Today’s World

  • Evaluate Priorities: Where does most of your time and attention go?

  • Set Boundaries: Limit screen time or hobbies if they compete with your marriage.

  • Pursue Your Spouse: Date nights, shared prayers, handwritten notes — keep pursuing as if you were still winning their heart.

  • Guard Friendships: Be cautious not to confide in someone of the opposite sex more deeply than in your spouse.

Wholehearted love is intentional. It chooses your spouse daily over distractions.

A husband once gave his wife roses for their anniversary, but during dinner, he barely looked up from his phone. The gift said, “I love you,” but his actions said, “I’m distracted.” She didn’t need more flowers. She needed more of him.

That’s how subtle infidelity works. It’s not always another person. Sometimes, it’s hobbies, screens, sports, or friendships that consume our time and affection until our spouse feels like they’ve been pushed to second place.

.“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” — Song of Solomon 2:15 (NIV)

The vineyard is marriage; the “little foxes” are minor distractions or compromises that slowly destroy intimacy. Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to

“Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Subtle infidelity doesn’t happen overnight. It creeps in quietly when we give more love, time, or energy to distractions than to our spouse. Jesus didn’t divide His affection. He gave Himself wholly for His bride, the Church. Our marriages reflect Him best when we give ourselves wholly to our spouse.

A wife once shared: “I didn’t leave my husband for another man. I left because I felt invisible. The TV got more attention than I did.”

Contrast that with another couple who decided to turn off their phones at 8 p.m. every night. That simple act rekindled conversation, laughter, and prayer. The husband said, “I didn’t realize how much of me she was missing until I gave it back.”

Wholehearted Love — Guarding Against Subtle Infidelity

Small Group Study Outline:

Opening Question

  • What are some “little foxes” that easily creep into marriages today?

Scripture Reading

  • Song of Solomon 2:15

  • Ephesians 5:25–33

  • Colossians 3:19

Discussion Questions

  1. Why is it so easy to let distractions take priority over our spouse?

  2. What’s the difference between enjoying hobbies/friendships and letting them undermine marriage?

  3. How do “little foxes” damage trust and intimacy over time?

  4. What practical steps can couples take to give wholehearted love daily?

  5. How does Christ’s example of love challenge us to reprioritize our marriages?

Practical Challenge for the Week

  • Identify one distraction that has been stealing attention from your marriage. Set a boundary or remove it for the week. Use that time to connect with your spouse instead.

Closing Prayer

  • Ask God to reveal subtle distractions, strengthen loyalty, and renew wholehearted love in marriages.